Anxiety and Me

In fear of starting this post negatively, this won't be actually happening for a while :( But things are in motion!! Ben and I had a very grown up talk last week. We have already talked about our plans for the future but it's time to make some decisions.  When I first met Ben I told him I didn't want to stay in the hometown for the whole of my life. For one thing, I'm really scared of being stuck. As you may have read in my previous posts things haven't gone to plan. And I am terrified of not making the most out of life. And to make sure I do, where we live is a key point. Don't get me wrong, unlike a lot of people I know, I've actually enjoyed where I grew up. I lived in the same house from 18 months old to 22/23 years old. It was such a lovely, family home; lots of memories and I did have a bit of a sob when we drove away from it for the last time.  Before that sounds too dramatic, I moved 15 minutes up the road. Not quite Australia...

The title is pretty much self explanatory. Although part of me feels like I should clarify they were not done together. Heart burn's a bitch.  So Item Number 1: Join a club. I struggle with loneliness. Unfortunately the whole anxiety thing is to blame for that. I lost a lot of friends when the mental health hit the fan. Partly my fault, I do admit, as I started to isolate myself. I thought it was easier for everyone; I didn't want to inflict what I was going through on others. But unfortunately, and again, also partly, people didn't understand. Or chose not to, for whatever reason. Lets say the last time we talked was graduation.  But it has been 4 years since then and I haven't done much, as we know. Any friends I had at home have moved on. Some I do see occasionally, some not at all, but I suppose that it life, and I can't blame them for that. I am friendly with people, but I have always sucked at making friends. Then a few other things happened in ...

I suck at writing blogs.  Its like diaries, I start off reasonably well, posting every so often, but before long I get bored of myself or just simply forget about it altogether. I had a blog before, based on me learning to live with my mental health. I think I got 5 or 6 posts in until, again, I lost interest. You could say I am easily dis- There is a reason for that rather boring introduction. And that is because I am bored. Extremely.  Now, don't get me wrong, I am happy. I have a loving family, a wonderful boyfriend, a steady job and a great flat with said boyfriend.  But dear god can it be boring. And that is mostly down to me. As some of you may know I have some mental health issues. About 5 years ago, at the end of my second year it hit me like a ton of bricks. I won't go into too much detail right now, but it has had an enormous effect on me. I've completely accepted it, but I am still learning to live with it.  Unfortunately it has...